SECOND-HAND MURDER

SECOND-HAND MURDER

Bobby and Pete were both veterans of the Kuwait war.  Although they did not know each other during that war, they became friends at a VA hospital in North Carolina.  They were both visiting veterans who had been critically injured during the war and were still paying the consequences of service.  Both felt blessed that they had returned whole and healthy.  They found out that they both lived in Raleigh, NC and fell into the habit of meeting for coffee or a beer about once a week.  They became the brothers they never had.  Pete was married with children and Bobby was divorced with no children.  In their conversations over coffee/beer they soon realized that they could talk about things that they really didn’t feel comfortable discussing with anyone else.  They served as each other’s counselor in a way. Otherwise, they pretty much had their own lives.   Because of his family, Pete’s life was much fuller than Bobby’s.

After several years of almost weekly meetings, Pete told Bobby that he would need to be away for a time with his family.  One of their children needed special treatment for a rare illness.  Bobby, of course, understood.  However, several months went by and he didn’t hear a word from Pete.  He hoped that the child was okay.  One day, he decided to call Pete.  Pete answered the phone but seemed distant, almost as if Bobby were a business acquaintance rather than a close friend.  Peter matter of factly told Bobby that he had a lot going on with his son and his family and just needed to be with them as much as possible.  Again, Bobby understood.

The down side of all of this was that Bobby really had no one else to talk to.  He’d always had problems with relationships.  His parents had a terrible marriage and his own marriage fell apart very soon after it began.  He had always been shy and withdrawn, so losing his good friend was a terrible event in his life. He began to drink more, even though his father had been an alcoholic and he swore he would never drink more than one beer at a time, and only with food.  Nonetheless, he found himself stopping by the ABC store after work and picking up something to help get him through the evening. 

One day, he saw Pete and his wife at a restaurant but it seemed obvious to Bobby that Pete was avoiding him.  Then, one day, Pete called.  He apologized for snubbing Bobby at the restaurant and explained that his family just needed more attention.  Bobby asked Pete if their friendship was over and Pete basically said that it was.  Bobby then shut off the phone.

Pete felt very bad about ending his friendship with Bobby and even began feeling guilty when he heard that Bobby was drinking more and was in jeopardy of losing his job.  He wrote Bobby a letter but never heard back from him. 

Then, Pete became ill.  The doctors were baffled by the illness and did everything they could to help him.  He even had surgery and was in the hospital for a week.  He made sure the word would get to Bobby that he was in the hospital, but Bobby never came around. 

Pete did run into Bobby every now and then but Bobby pretended not to see him.  Pete was distressed at how poorly Bobby looked. He knew that he had been Bobby’s lifeline for years and almost felt that he had abandoned Bobby.  The ending of their friendship did not affect Pete directly, but the guilt over ending the friendship and the effect that had on Bobby devastated him. 

Once more, he became ill.    This time, Bobby did come to the hospital for a brief visit, but Pete was sleeping and didn’t get to see him.  Pete asked his wife how Bobby looked, and she said that even though she did not know Bobby, he looked like a troubled man.

Pete died.  Bobby read of the death in the newspaper and himself felt some guilt.  Pete had always been a relatively healthy man.  He only became ill after their friendship ended.  Bobby couldn’t help feeling that he was in part to blame for Pete’s illnesses and his death.  Had he, Bobby, dealt with his own problems in a better way and not been so dependent on Pete, he was certain they both would have been in a better place, friendship or no friendship. 

Bobby felt guilty of what he considered to be second-hand murder, like second-hand smoke.  He punished himself by staying in his room and reading meditative writings for the rest of his life.