A FAMILY MATTER

A FAMILY MATTER

 

Jack and his brother Luther were like oil and water.  Jack couldn’t remember a time when they got along.  This wasn’t surprising considering they were raised in a turbulent home where it seemed that everyone was constantly at each other’s throats.  On top of that, it was a family where people said what they thought in a purely unfiltered way and let the chips fall where they may.  Jack and Luther’s dad was a fireman and their mom was store clerk.  They did a lot of venting at home.  Jack and Luther had a sister, Edie.  Everyone seemed to get along with her just fine, just not with each other.

When Luther finished high school, he went straight into the army.  Jack was relieved that he didn’t have to put up with Luther’s temper and unfiltered insults, at least for a while.  Then it happened, Luther was severely wounded in combat and had to return home for rehabilitation.  Jack was five years younger than Luther, so he was a junior in high school when Luther returned.  The army had in no way helped with Luther’s anger management problems.  If anything, his injury and experiences in the army made him worse.  He was also quite reclusive.

In spite of their continued animosity toward each other, Jack felt sorry for his older brother and tried to help him.  Luther took the offers as charity and refused attempts by anyone in the family to help him, especially Jack.  The only person whom he allowed to get close to him was Edie.  Edie was the middle child in the family and was going to a community college.  She wanted to become a nurse, so it was quite natural for her to want to help her older brother.  And Luther didn’t consider her help charity as she was in training and he was providing her with good practice.  He figured he was doing as much for her as she was for him.

Jack had as little to do with his brother as he possibly could.  When he was going somewhere where his brother might want to go, he would ask Luther if he wanted to go, knowing full well that Luther would refuse.  He would even bring things home, such as a burger or a soda, and Luther would throw them to the floor and expect Jack to clean the mess up.

The parents tried to give Luther a wide berth, but their own anger at each other didn’t diminish.  The both played the blame game and Luther was as good an excuse to argue as any.

Over time, Luther became quite depressed.  One day, he went into the bathroom with intent of killing himself.  He locked the door.  His mother went to the door and asked Luther if he was okay.  He said he needed some time alone.  She got concerned and called Jack to help.  Jack talked to Luther through the door.  When he got no response, he burst into the bathroom and found Luther lying on the floor surrounded by a pool of blood.  Jack used some towels as tourniquets and called for his mother to call 911.

The ambulance came and Luther was found to be still alive.  He was taken to a hospital.  As soon as he was stabilized, his family came to visit him.  His father cursed Luther out for being a wimp and a coward until his mother managed to pull him away.  They both left the room, leaving Jack and Edie with Luther. Edie naturally tried to console her older brother and tell him he wasn’t a coward.  Jack stayed in the background.

“And what do you have to say about all this, pug?” Luther asked of Jack.  “I guess you think I’m a coward, too.”

Jack didn’t know how to respond.  The first thing to come to his mind was to say, “I don’t think you’re a coward. For some reason you’ve always been angry, but then, everyone in our family is always angry about something, except Edie.”  He then turned to Edie.  “Why aren’t you angry all the time like us, Edie?”

“I don’t know, Jack.  I’ve never had anything to be angry about, I guess.”

Jack then commented, “We seem to fly off the handle at the least little thing. I don’t get it.”

Luther then commented, “Things were just fine until you were born, pug. You messed things up.”

“How did my being born mess things up?”

“Well, it was me and Edie for two years.  It was great.  And then you came along.  Mom and dad started fighting more and things just sort of fell apart.  Maybe having you was too much for them. Maybe their marriage was going south anyway.”     

“You’ve never liked me, have you Luther.”

“To be honest -- no.”

“What did I do to you?”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.  Why don’t you two just go home and let me alone.”

“Luther,” Edie said, “we’ll leave you now, but we’ll be back.”

“Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”

As they walked toward the car, Jack commented, “Edie, do you think Luther will ever be okay?”

“I’ll be honest, Jack.  I keep wondering when you’ll be okay.”

“So, it’s my fault!”

“It’s no one’s fault!  It’s just that you’ve always let Luther get under your skin.  Luther has some reasons to be mad at the world.  You don’t.”

“And what would those reasons be?”

“For starters, mom and dad made it clear to him from the time he was able to understand, and even before that, that he was not the son they had hoped for.  You know he’s always been slow and really had to struggle in school.  When I came along, because I was a girl, he didn’t seem to mind that I caught on to things quickly.  Then, you came along, and Luther saw you as a threat.  He was right back there when he said that mom and dad’s marriage began to fall apart when you came along, but it had nothing to do with you.  Dad was injured for a while and there was some doubt as to whether he would be able to continue as a fireman.  Being a fireman had been his lifelong dream and the idea of having to give it up got to him.  The department gave him administrative work, which he hated.  He loved being a smoke eater.  You were too young to know what was going on and even I didn’t understand everything.”

“I’m not exactly Mr. Wizard.”

“That might be, Jack, but you’ve never really had to struggle.”

“Even so, isn’t the problem Luther’s and not mine?”

“It’s yours because you let him get to you.  And even when you’ve tried to be nice to him, he sees that as the smart, younger brother trying to help out the slow, dim-witted older brother.  He feels that you feel that you are better than him.”

“So, what can I do about it?”

“This might sound crazy, but I think you need to do something to get mom and dad really mad at you.”

“They seem to get mad at me all the time.  I won’t have to try very hard.”

“No. I mean you need to do something big.   Nothing bad like robbing a store or hurting anyone, but something big.”

“What good will that do?”

“I’m not sure, but it might let Luther know that even people who are smarter than he is mess up and get called on the carpet.  He just needs some help feeling good about himself, and you need to change your relationship with him.”

“Let’s see.  I do something big to piss mom and dad off.  Luther gets to gloat a little, and then everything’s hunky-dory, right?”

“Of course not.  The other thing is that it has to be something bad that you really want to do.”

“What about smoking pot?”

“Is that something you really want to do?”

“No. I’m not even interested in alcohol.”

“Jack, there’s got to be something bad that you want to do that you’ve been afraid to do.”

“I’ll have to think about it.”

“Okay, but don’t think about it forever.”

A week passed.  Luther was released from the hospital and returned home.  He was to meet with a counselor every day.  His father stood fast to his accusation of wimpiness and his mother just looked worried and helpless.  Edie waited for Jack to do something bad.

“Jack, did you get the clothes from the cleaners today after school?” his mother asked.

“I forgot.  I’ll pick them up tomorrow, okay?”

“Not okay.  I need one of the dresses you were going to pick up for a reception tomorrow afternoon.  Mrs. Clifford is retiring and everyone’s throwing her a party.  Heaven knows the store isn’t going to do anything for her except perhaps keep allowing her to take ten percent off any future purchases or some nonsense like that.  March yourself down to the cleaners right now and get those clothes.”

The cleaners closed at six, so Jack had about thirty minutes to get there.  On the way, it started raining.  He was on his bike and hurried to beat the rain.  It was then that he got a brainstorm.

“Mother?”

“Yes, Jack?  I see you’re back.  I hope you made sure the clothes didn’t get wet in the rain.”

“About the clothes.”

“What about the clothes?”

“I got to the cleaners and picked up the clothes.  As I was coming home, the rain really started to come down hard, so I stopped at a store for shelter.  As I parked the bike, I didn’t get the kickstand down completely and the bike fell.  The clothes were in the basket and they fell under the bike.”

Jack held up the dirty and rain-soaked garments.  He had made sure the door to Luther’s room was open.  It usually was.  House rule.

“Oh, Jack!  How could you be so careless!  These clothes are practically new!”

“I’m sorry.  It was a mistake.  Please take the cost of recleaning out of my allowance.”

“Oh, that’s understood.  Now, I’ve got to figure out what to wear tomorrow.  Oh, and I happened to think while you were out that you promised you would stop in to see Miss Dunsten on the way home from school.  She’s been quite ill, and I know she always enjoys it when you stop by.”

“Oh geez.  I forgot.  I guess I have lots on my mind.”

“You forget about the clothes.  You forget about Miss Dunsten.  You ruin the clothes you pick up. What’s next?  Are you going to set fire to the house?”

“I’m really sorry.  Today’s just been a bad day.”

“Sorry doesn’t cut it.  Go in and cut up the potatoes for supper.  Your father will be in at around 7, so we need to get supper finished.  I’ll be right in the kitchen with you, so you can’t ‘forget.’”

Jack’s father arrived home in his usually gruff mood.  He always immediately went to the bathroom to clean up.  This routine was a signal that food better be on the table when he entered the dining room. Jack, his mother, and his father sat around the table.  Luther always ate in his room and Edie was working evenings.

“Jacko, I assume you picked up the materials from the hardware store I need to repair the toilet in the master bathroom.  Your mother’s been nagging about it long enough, so I want to getter done.”

“Oh geez, dad.  I forgot.”

“You forgot?  I gave you a list and money this morning.  I even called the store to have them pull everything off the shelves so you could just walk in, pay, and come home with the crap.”

“That’s not the only thing our son forgot,” Jack’s mother commented.  “He forgot to pick up the clothes from the cleaners.  He forgot to check up on Miss Dunsten – and by the way Jack, I called her to make sure she was okay.  She said she really missed seeing you.  Then, he went to the cleaners and picked up the clothes, but dropped them in the rain and ruined them.”

“Well, aren’t you the winner,” Jack’s father commented sarcastically.  “You can be lazy, but I see you’re adding irresponsibility and carelessness to your endearing qualities.  Did you apologize to your mother?”

“Yes, of course.  I’m really sorry about everything.  It’s just been a bad day.”

“You’re a junior in high school, for Christ’s sake, not nursery school.  Are we going to have to stand over you to make sure you get things done?”

“It’s just one day, dad.  Can’t a person have a bad day?”

“Well, I think you need a bad night.  In fact, I think you need a bad couple of nights.  You’re grounded for two nights.  I see you’ve finished your supper, so why don’t you take Luther something to eat and then go to your room for the evening.”

“Okay.”  Jack only hoped that Luther had heard most of what had gone on at the supper table.  His room was near both the kitchen and dining room.

“Here’s your supper, Luther.  Better eat it before it gets cold.”

Jack placed a tray on a table in Luther’s room and then started to leave.

“Wait up, pug. I want to talk to you a minute.”

Jack turned around.

“Pull up a chair.  I don’t need to, ‘cause I’ve got my own special chair.  And close the door.”

In spite of the “house rule” that Luther’s door be kept open, Jack closed it.

“What’s up?”

“I may be slow, but my ears is good.  I heard what went down this afternoon between you and mom, and then at supper between you and dad.”

“Yeah, they’re pretty mad.”

“Nothin’ new about that.  But it’s what they said to you that I want to talk about.  It’s nothin’ compared to what they’ve said to me and about me my entire life.  I just wanted you to know that.”

Jack felt that Luther was having another of his pity parties.  However, he also felt that Luther was opening a door, so he decided to kick it open a bit more.

“How so?”

“Well, pug.  Dad called you lazy, irresponsible, and thoughtless.  Mom referred to you as ‘our son’ as if I didn’t exist.  I wish I’d be referred to as lazy, irresponsible, and thoughtless.  The words dad chooses for me are things like slow, a coward, a wimp.  In other words, you fall short of their expectations for you from time to time.  They have no expectations for me.”

“Oh, Luther.  You know that dad’s vocabulary is not the biggest.”

“But he chooses his words deliberately.  And I’ll tell you something else.  But first, I want to apologize for what I said to you back in the hospital.  You didn’t mess things up.  I shouldn’t have said that.”

Jack was stunned.  Luther never apologized for anything.  No one in the family ever apologized for anything.  They just sort of moved on.  The motto over their front door might as well have said “NO REGRETS!”

Luther continued:   “Pug, when mom was expecting you, I was so excited.  I hoped, hoped, hoped, you’d be a boy.  Edie was a good sister, but she was a girl.  I wanted a brother to play with.  When I heard you was a boy, I was the happiest I’d ever been.  Then, they brought you home.  I’ve always had good ears and will never forget what I heard mom and dad say in the kitchen, when they thought I was out of earshot.  Mom said, ‘I just hope Jack won’t be slow like Luther.’  Then dad replied, ‘No chance of that.  One retard in the family is enough.  We’ll just pack him up and send him back to the hospital if he is.’  They laughed at that comment.  They laughed!  My excitement suddenly vanished.  I instantly hated you.  The only way I was going to like you was if you was, I mean were, slower than me.  Well, of course, you weren’t.  You’re no rocket scientist, and Edie is smarter and quicker than you.  I’m glad about that, ‘cause girls need to be smart.  Boys don’t.  I decided to call you ‘pug’ and to grind you down every way I could. Now, look at you.  You’re almost as big as me and will probably be bigger.  I’m the coward, the wimp, the slow one, the retard.  All you are is lazy, irresponsible, and thoughtless sometimes.  Which would you rather be?”

Edie’s idea seemed to be working. Although what Jack had done, or not done, wasn’t “big” in one sense, it was big enough to trigger something inside Luther.

“I’m sorry, Luther.  I never really saw any of that, but now I do.  You’re absolutely right.”

“There’s no need for you to be sorry for me.  I’ll be fine.  But I’ve got to do a few things.  For starters, now I’m going to call you Jack, and not ‘pug.’  Now Jack, why don’t you go out and get me a soda and burger from the place down the street.  This supper’s cold by now and I don’t really like anything on the tray anyway.”

“I’m grounded, Luther.  I can’t leave the house.”

“I know.”  Luther laughed.